Just to vent...

It took my husband and I 1 full year of trying before we were able to have a baby. I finally tried a low-dose fertility drug (Clomid) and luckily was able to get pregnant that first month.
This time around, after hearing from everyone that we wouldnt have any problems because its SO MUCH EASIER the second time and not to worry, I cant help but be upset that its not happening again.
Its frustrating and dissapointing when it seems like everyone around you is getting pregnant with no effort or on accident.
I actually found out last night about another close friend who is pregnant for the 2nd time. She told me she was afraid to tell me her great news because she didnt want to hurt my feelings.
And it did. Alot. And I was jealous. And upset (which of course I put on a brave, happy face with her and said congratulations but then as soon as I was alone I cried :(
When did I become that person?

I try to reason it away...It will happen when its supposed to...we're not even trying that hard...I must not be ready yet...I'm not sure whats happening with work/job/house/etc.
Its just so frustrating when your body isnt working right.
My last pregnancy took forever to concieve, and then I was sick for 22 weeks (throwing up almost every day) then, at 27 weeks I started with the pre-term labor, and was on medicine daily with sometimes twice-weekly visits to the hospital to stop labor.
I had a beautiful, healthy, amazing little boy (who finally had enough and decided to arrive 4 weeks early) and I am insanely grateful. All of the stress and worrying was totally worth it.

I just wish it didnt have to be so hard. Its heartbreaking when all the wishing and planning can't get you anywhere.